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December 7, 2009
Investigator on Why the Famous
Cheat
By Joe Burris
Reports of Tiger Woods' infidelity place the legendary golfer on
a diverse list of high-profile people caught in extramarital affairs
in recent years.
Woods has dominated sports pages and gossip columns for the last
week, beginning with the unusual single-car accident in front of his
home. Rumors circulated that Woods' wife Elin Nordegren used a golf
club to smash the car's back window to get her husband out of the
car.
As Woods tried to keep the matter private, reports circulated
from other women who claimed to have been romantically involved with
the golfer. Woods ultimately confessed to "transgressions."
Woods has joined other prominent figures who have admitted to
adultery, including former ESPN analyst Steve Phillips, late-night
talk show host David Letterman, South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford,
tennis legend Chris Evert, former presidential candidate John
Edwards and NBA star Kobe Bryant. Former Ravens quarterback Steve
McNair was shot to death July 4 by a woman with whom he was having
an affair.
Though they are in the public spotlight, the stars' behavior is
not unlike that of ordinary people who cheat on their spouses, says
Bill Mitchell, a private investigator.
Author of the book, "The More You Know -- Getting the Evidence
and Support You Need to Investigate a Troubled Relationship," the
Mount St. Mary's graduate has been compiling adultery statistics for
nearly 40 years. He has operated private investigative agencies in
several locales, including the Baltimore area.
In a recent interview from his South Carolina office, Mitchell
offered perspectives on who cheats and why.
Question: Is there anything to gauge from the many recent
reports of prominent individuals admitting to extramarital affairs?
Answer: Cheating is at an all-time high in our culture. Media
coverage of the famous is, too. The common denominators with these
household names are influence, opportunity, prosperity, and
susceptibility. Their professional careers include vulnerabilities,
often essentials to an affair.
Those cheating today are no different than years past. Media
coverage of adultery is more prevalent than in times past and no
longer a taboo subject matter.
Often, famous people can develop into better targets. Fame begets
notoriety, and it's in these cases the stakes are higher and
"seizing the moment" comes as a golden opportunity for them.
Q: In chronicling such behavior, what data have you drawn
about adulterers?
A: I've witnessed, firsthand, thousands of cases, not to mention
the endless amount of victims I've counseled who were unable to fund
an investigation.
Drawing from this unique vantage point, statistically speaking,
60 to 70 percent of adultery victims are women while 30 to 40
percent of adultery victims are men. This number has increased
dramatically over the past decade and a half, due in part to the
increased presence of women in the workplace.
It is not uncommon, 70 to 80 percent of the time, for the
extramarital activity to last six months to a year, but not longer.
The Internet has been an enormous factor in cheating, but typically
50 to 75 percent of extramarital affairs take place with someone
from the workplace.
Q: Why does each gender cheat?
A: Men cheat to conquer, to experience more sex and for the buzz
associated with cheating. Their physical and egotistical drives set
them up for an affair. This is especially true of successful
personalities whose jobs entail travel.
Women, on the other hand, respond internally. Those triggers like
affection, attentiveness, compassion or listening. The sexual part
of the affair comes later on.
Both men and women who cheat were influenced by a key role model
in their lives -- normally a parent who cheated.
Q: What is the impact of an extramarital affair on a
person's life, professional and personal?
A: No amount of money can fix what I call a cellophane bridge.
You still have problems with your family, your relatives, your
peers. You can't fix that. You can't convince people that this is
acceptable.
Even if you win in court and don't have to pay any custody, you
still have to deal with your kids. I know of kids who turn to drugs
because of feelings of abandonment by their dads. They say, "A
25-year-old is more important than me."
There's always backlash, and that's the big story.
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